I am a climate troll. Why? Well, it’s complicated. Let’s skip the psychology of it all (remember, I’m not a sociopath) and get right to how to be a successful climate troll. I’ve been at this game religiously for over six years and I’d say I know a thing or, two. Let’s get to it!

Our very first tip is about the importance of hurling insults on Twitter. Our audience loves red meat. That’s why even though I’m not a liberal I’m not afraid to insult liberally. It’s a tried and true technique for building your fan base so you can get your bullshit spread way out there. Check out a small sample below. When you’re finished, be sure to see a more comprehensive list of my insult tweets here.

As you can see, my preferred insults are “moron,” “idiot,” and my personal favorite, “Homer,” which is kind of my trademark insult, alluding to the dim-witted father from “The Simpson’s.” Sometimes I’ll get really clever and just use the word “DOH” in all caps which is an allusion to Homer Simpson (he says that a lot).

In the end, it doesn’t matter which words you use, really. In general, anything that insults the intelligence of your opponent will work. You can also call into question the sanity of your opponent. Call them “weird” or “paranoid” or another one of my favorite insults, “sociopath.” Here’s some examples of this in action:

I particulaly love this tweet because it questions the person’s intellegence and sanity at the same time:

You can also occasionally pull out the stops and go with really over the top stuff, like calling climate change believers “terrorists”:

All these insults are not only a sure-fire way to build audience, but your underdeveloped ego, too. Now, a small sliver of people will see you for what you are: a self-loathing asshole. But that’s OK. Ignore them. Remember, we are targeting a very specific audience: the morons (see what I did here ;) ) that will eat this shit up.

That’s all for this week. Give insults a try and watch your Twitter followers skyrocket!