Mark, you and I had a little go ‘round yesterday on Twitter over my blog post criticizing Judith Curry’s blog post promoting your book. You called me a “pansy” and then I lost my cool and called you “Mr. Poo Poo Pants.” Listen, I’m willing to apologize for my juvenile behavior.

And more than that, to help smooth things over between us, I’d like to offer you free advice that can earn you tens of millions of dollars, if not a lot more, depending on how well you execute. I know this sounds crazy, but please hear me out before clicking away. I assure you this will work.

So I see you out there hustling your new book, “A Disgrace to the Profession,” your latest attack on the climatologist, Michael Mann, under the pretense of helping you defend yourself from the defamation lawsuit he brought against you. I don’t begrudge you that. Look, you’re a showman, you’re just doing your job. You’re demonstrating to your fan base that you’re a freedom fighter taking on the evil liberal establishment. The conservatives that follow you eat that shit up and it builds your fan base even further. I get it; it’s good for business. I’ve seen the WWE on TV.

But I’ll be honest, you look just a little pathetic groveling for book sales, trolling the likes of me on Twitter. Don’t you think that’s just a little bit beneath a great intellect like yours? And at your age, shouldn’t you have moved on to better things by now? I’m sure you’d much rather pontificate without feeling the need to pander. And the money you’re gonna make from all that hard work is basically chump change, anyway.

I’m not trying to insult you here; I do think you’re a talented guy. What I am trying to encourage you to do is go for the big bucks. Why settle for chicken scratch hawking self-published screeds about scientists? Why not focus on getting enough dough to buy your own television network for sharing all the great intellectual insights you have without the need to drum up the base with rhetorical horse shit? Listen, I think you’ve got what it takes to be the William F. Buckley for the 21st century. You’ve certainly got the accent for it, after all. I say, go for it!

So here’s the plan.

The fact is that neither China or Saudi Arabia yet realize what you already know, that Mann’s hockey stick graph and anthropogenic global warming is just a hoax perpetuated by a global cabal of liberals. These two nations are actively involved with negotiations to reduce emissions in Paris later this year. In fact, the Chinese have already agreed to voluntarily max out their emissions by 2030. And in 2012, the Saudi oil minister himself, Ali al-Naimi, said:

“Greenhouse gas emissions and global warming are among humanity’s most pressing concerns. Societal expectations on climate change are real, and our industry is expected to take a leadership role. We are doing this in Saudi Arabia.”

Can you fucking believe it? What idiots! The liberals have fooled them into committing economic suicide. If only they had all the evidence you and your skeptic friends had, they could go into the next round of negotiations and prove AGW is nothing but a hoax. There are probably hundreds of billions of dollars at stake for them, if not trillions. How they overlooked the fact that AGW is a fraud is just mind boggling.

So it’s quite obvious they haven’t read your books or insightful columns on the climate. And that’s where you come in. I think you probably already see where I’m going with this, don’t you, Your Brilliancy?

What you do is set up shop as the head of global consulting firm to these nations, Steyn & Associates. A glib tongue like yours is going to come in super handy for getting your foot in the door with all the muckety mucks that run these countries. Next, you gather up all the skeptic friends you relied on to help you write your climate change columns and books and sell their expert opinions about the global warming hoax to the negotiators for these countries. Even if only you got a small cut of the money you’ll end up saving the Saudis and Chinese, you’d be rich beyond your wildest dreams. Not only that, you’ll be wining and dining with wealthy elites who will be singing your praises all the while they pay you handsomely for your services. And then when you stop to think that there’s 159 countries involved in the upcoming climate negotiations that have all been bamboozled by Mann…zOMG!

Not only that, Mark, I want you to think of the great service you’ll be offering mankind. I know you care about the planet and the people on it. I know the last thing you’d want to witness is the travesty of all that fossil fuel left rotting in the ground going to waste and snuffing out our capitalist way of life and God-given freedom to rape the earth for all eternity. This is you destiny, man. Do you really want to be flogging books to chumps for the rest of your life? No, I think destiny has a much higher calling for you. You have a real opportunity here to save the planet from the scourge of socialism and earn your place in history as a true champion of the human race!

Well there you go, Mark. I hope you are as inspired as I am. I just ask that someday you let me ride with you on your private jet and allow me to drink some of your finest wine with you as we look out the window looking down on all the poor assholes below who aren’t us.